after a year (AND more) of fear, harassment and false accusations I have decided to come forward about... all of that, because this took a hit on my mental health for a good while and I need to do something. this is a "counter call-out" of sorts to natalie/wattlerose (and by extention, another past friend, amber/famulator64 who at the time, both have been actively trying to "cancel" me. nowadays it's only nat that still cares so much about this shit - amber has not done nearly as much, although i don't think they did rethink their actions yet, but hasn't commented on it ever since. i don't think they're a bad person, just misguided. nat on the other hand is a toxic individual) there are many lies, distortions, and old things I no longer even support. I am however, also not completely free of guilt - there are a couple mistakes I've done in the past, for sure, but I owned up to them and have learned ever since. You'll see them in this document as well.
before I begin, it is not required, but I'd recommend looking at my other document talking about me being kicked from the youtube community channel "SiIvaGunner" (which also talks about one of my few slip ups that I'll also bring up here):
SiIvaGunner - (Almost) 4 years later
much like in the other document, if you're an extremist type person who labels yourself with any sort of political side full on, doesn't like admitting defeat, is close-minded, and is not willing to hear contradicting points as well as if you support bullying/harassing people over anything (including fictional content) then probably go ahead and don't read this and block me if you'd rather! also another thing that should be obvious but surprisingly still needs to be said every time: do not harass any person mentioned in here. don't use their own tactics against them. please be critical as you read through.
each differently colored square outline in the censored caps are different people
content/trigger warnings for: mentions of nsfw content/in general, mental disorders, abuse, grooming, manipulating, doxxing, and just a lot of Gross stuff
it all began in 2017 when nat first contacted me (although before that she already followed me on twitter, and once did warn me about someone stealing my art in some print website), she wanted to talk to me for a long time i thought it was nice because just recently (at that time) i got diagnosed with high-functioning autism, and nat proudly displayed her autism as well. we were both 17, with birthdays only a month apart, being born in the same year. nat was also unsure of her gender identity just yet. we began to talk, nat acted quite flirty sometimes (and not to say i didn't, too - I was very lonesome at the time after a difficult break up, but I definitely wouldn't be nowadays) and well, eventually... we started dating. she broke up with her previous partner because they would "only talk to her twice a week and then leave". she was tired of waiting, so she did that, as she told me. (I hope she did) i felt kinda weird about it... but at the time it made sense to me, and again, i felt very lonely so i was willing to take any relationship i could get (bad mistake? very much so)
before we even got to date, though, she already sent an explicit image, it WAS a "joke" image though, but it served as the sort of "gateway" for talking about lewd stuff. nothing particularly wrong with that... we were only a month apart anyway, but then as we started dating, nat got VERY explicit with me very quickly... I didn't mind at the time, though. our relationship went smoothly in the beginning, then nat told me some things I should know about her, such as her having BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) (this might be quite important for later), which I didn't have a problem with, and nat was taking care of herself in regards to that. she was also very clingy, and actively supported autism rights (she doesn't seem to bring it up THAT much nowadays it seems...??) she would constantly ask if i was there for her... and i mostly didn't mind. i thought it was nice that she cared THAT much about me... that she was scared of me leaving... I was fine with all that plus the lewd talk... until much later, that is.
after some time, i presented nat to my then best friend (and ALSO ex) amber/famulator64. we all got along... most of the time. usually amber would start pointless fights with me (as they always would do, only in some specific moments of a year??), and nat would get upset. eventually a feeling of... "not being free enough" hit me, and i thought breaking up with nat would be for the best. i felt like i had a ball chain attached to me. as it probably is for many when it comes to relationships. (still figuring that out myself, especially recently i've been questioning things like "could i be aro? or polyam? or something else entirely?" late 2020/2021 update but i've settled on gray-aro) at first she got quite sad, but then got over it quickly, and i still don't know how to explain, but we were still friends, all three of us, including even my past boyfriend who started dating me again (and im still together with, for years now) and at that time, me, my bf and nat, we made a game for a game jam together. which she now "regrets", and even at the time, she tried to coerce my bf into a mindset of... well, read this.
even after that, things were still okay, until one day amber decided they had enough of me for reasons they were also guilty of (and honestly, after all those petty fights i mentioned earlier, i suspect them of faking their friendship with me in a lot of moments, but this isnt so much about them), nat still considered me a friend for a little while after that, and even wanted to try to defend me i guess, until one day she just started outright hating me, and then...
nat started a twitter thread (starting with the above tweet), after amber did one too regarding me liking fictional problematic content which they (and nat) were ALSO guilty of liking not too long before that, even. in nat's thread, which she quickly took down, there were some very strong accusations and blatant lies about me. a few days later nat ALSO made a video, containing the same accusations in the description, and screencaps of amber's thread in the video itself
a friend sharing nat's video, this was the URL. (I was asleep at the time)
friends talking about what the video is about
again the video was quickly taken down in the same day... so what about these accusations? well...
the only surviving evidence of the video's description. (discord keeps in its cache even tweets that have been deleted)